REDEEM: marriage (part 3)

by admin on April 28, 2011

Session 3: “Let’s Talk Heart to Heart”

The following blog was written by Sojourn members Chris and Kat French as a reflection on the Redeem: Marriage Conference that took place in April, 2011.

from Kat:
I’ll admit it: I’m a chatterbox. Poor Chris is lucky to get a word in edgewise when I really get going. Add to that the fact that Chris is the kind of guy who takes time to frame what he wants to say (and my own lack of patience), and our conversations can get pretty one-sided.
During the most difficult periods in our relationship, our conversation was very tactical. I was determined to pull him into the subjects I wanted to discuss. I wasn’t a loving student of my spouse; I was more like a police interrogator! (If I’d thought shining a bright light in his face would’ve made him open up more, I’d have probably emptied Walmart of halogen bulbs…)
The first Saturday session had some great information from Robert and Karen on how to be a good listener and how to ask good questions that will GENTLY and lovingly reveal your spouse’s heart. No floodlamps necessary.
from Chris:
Just to echo what Kat said, communication during the recovery part of our marriage was very tough.  Again it was all about control.  She wanted me to talk about certain things and so I would try to divulge just enough to be able to say I was in the conversation, but my fears made me want to not tell Kat things.  This ranged from just about anything, money, details of my day, whatever.  However, the single biggest way that God brought about change in our marriage was in the way we opened up our hearts to each other.  It was scary and sometimes painful.  It made me vulnerable.  I didn’t like it at all.  Also pursuing Kat’s heart by asking questions was difficult at times as well.  Sometimes I could see she was hurting, and the last thing I wanted to do was to get into the mess with her.  But I have learned that these can become some of the most precious and connecting times as I get the privilege of seeing my wife’s heart, in whatever state it may be at the time she is sharing, and getting to minister to her and show her God’s love through my words and actions.

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